If I gave you my heart
There are times when I think I need to be more careful picking my friends. I feel like somehow I’m always the one who gets hurt, the one you take advantage of, the one who is always there when you need him. I am the listening ear they need, their therapist when needed. The one who you think will always be there. That time is over, I have learned my lesson…
Do you know that person in your group of friend who is always there for everyone? That’s me. I am the kind of person who will always try to help when I can, be there for people who need me, it’s just who I am. When a friend is in trouble I will be there to help, to assist, to do everything I can. Just call my name and I’ll be there. *no Mariah pun intended*.
Say for instance you are having problems with someone. You would know that you could always talk to me, that I would even pick up my phone despite the fact that it’s three am and I need to get up in a few hours. Text me and you will get an answer. Ask me a question and I will say what I think, whether that is direct or subtle. Sometimes all I can do is point towards the right direction and let you do all the work. I might be the one you depend on, but have faith that you can do things on your own.
People generally think of me as a nice person. I smile a lot when I’m with people, trying to bring a positive atmosphere to a group. Yes I do have my bad days and no my mood is something you won’t enjoy then, but even I am entitled to a bad mood every now and then. I guess being there for everyone automatically makes sure you don’t have someone to talk to. To have a person who does for you what you do for others. And that hurts.
Yes, there might be some people who I can talk to, but I know they wouldn’t do the same for me as I would for them. They are there when I need them, but don’t spill your guts too much because ‘you should stop whining.’ Excuse me?! I think I have the right to say what I want right? I listen to your crap, now you listen to mine. But by that time it’s too late, I already know they don’t want to listen to what I have to say, to the bad or annoying thing that happened to me that day. That’s fine by me, if no one listens to me I’ll just write it down and get it off my chest.
So you might wonder why I decide to write this down? I guess it’s because something happened today that I don’t like. I found out a dear friend is coming back, something I’m stoked about. Like before I asked if she’d like me to pick her up at the airport, pretty sure she’d say yes and be excited about seeing me again. I didn’t get a yes. She told me three friends of her were picking her up by car, and I replied by saying I wasn’t going to drive with them. They’re no friends of mine anymore, pretty much fed up with their crap so declined that idea saying it would cause many awkward silences. Besides, the drive would be an hour and a half, with me being the only guy in the car. No thanks, I don’t like them anymore.
‘Why don’t you meet us there and there then?’ Her way of saying she was planning on living in a city nearby. One, when were you planning on telling that you were going to get your own place? Two, who is going to pay for that? You have no job, so no income. Did you win a lottery or something? Three, you don’t even know if you can live there, you don’t have a place yet.
I have this strange feeling something has happened, but I don’t know what. Perhaps something I said? Or perhaps our friendship is affected by the distance of an entire ocean. I will found out in two months. Curious what will happen? So am I…
~ Storm J. Night
now listening: Down in a cold dirty well, by Justin Nozuka
